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hi i'm colleen

"you used to lose your voice every other week from shouting so much. i learned to absorb."

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"You cut up a thing that’s alive and beautiful to find out how it’s alive and why it’s beautiful, and before you know it, it’s neither of those things, and you’re standing there with blood on your face and tears in your sight and only the terrible ache of guilt to show for it."
— Clive Barker (via drupes)

re: specific anon hate
(that i should not let get to me)
((but im in a lil bit of sensitive place right now sry))

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@myself what the fuck are you doing


i’m trying to keep  the “leaving for treatment and freaking the fuck out” posts to a minimum and will continue to do so over the next week
but clothes + packing
i don’t know how to handle this
(no numbers or anything behind the cut but read at your own risk okay)

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"We are so used
to the idea of a woman
hating herself
that the thought
of self love and confidence
is repulsive."
Michelle K., What Do You Really Mean When You Call Her a Bitch? (via michellekpoems)

salted caramel hazelnut spread exists in this world
that’s it
that’s the post


"Everything begins only to end. The moment you were born you began to die. That’s how it is with everything."
-Janne Teller, Nothing

i always find it therapeutic to type out my replies to rude anons but then i delete them because i feel bad spreading negative energy on people’s dashboards so i apologize to whoever is online at the time lol

believe it or not i do block people
but tumblr is tumblr


Anonymous asked: I just watched your video and wanted to thank you for it. You're a truly beautiful person and I loved being able to see your words and face animated. I'm currently struggling with bulimia and wish I could be travelling with you to treatment so I would know of one friendly face.. but your presence on tumblr is comforting in itself. Maybe one day I will find the courage and desire to take the same step and pursue recovery. <3

im actually getting so anxious about having it up there even if its just me rambling lol so this means a lot a lot a lot. thank you so much. i truly hope you take that step (the desire is in you as cheesy as that might sound) and i hope you know that you can also message me any time as well. 


Anonymous asked: for your video (if this isn't too triggering to talk about) what do you see when you look in the mirror? how do you feel looking at older pictures of yourself? have you ever liked what you looked like?

i couldn’t decide if people would feel comfortable hearing me talk about this stuff so i skipped over these (sorry sorry) but i would possibly do another separate one on this topic or just a post that way people can decide to view or not idk



What’s important to realise is that relapsing will either a) kill you or b) force you to go through all of this again.